Reflections on being 32

I was pretty sure when I was 10 that by the time I reach 30, I would have the most complicated things in life figured out. That nothing is going to be too difficult to solve because I’d be an adult. No limitations would cripple my ability to achieve goals for I knew then that being a grown up equates to knowing the drills in life. But more than 20 years later, I found myself way behind my expectations. At 32, I am still trying to figure things out. 

The truth is, life’s quest doesn’t stop at a certain age. No matter how hard I try, I will never find a one-stop shop offering easy solutions and guaranteed fix to each and every problem I encounter along the way. There is no one-size-fits-all garment that I can wear in order to look acceptable in all facets of life. While money can help to be an expert in many fields, genuine achievements cannot be bought by any amount. I need to have my eyes wide open to witness life’s invaluable lessons, and an attentive ear to hear and follow the voice that leads me to the right path. I have to invest time and spend it efficiently, endure adversities by choosing my battle wisely and make remarkable efforts in order to establish a better foundation to what’s going to come next.

My life indeed has been shaped by experiences that I either love or despise. I’ve been betrayed by my own choices but also uplifted by good ones. I made repetitive wrong decisions but were compensated by carefully-thought ones. I dreamed and accomplished. I desired and achieved. Fought against the odds until I couldn’t anymore. I stood up for what I thought was right but later on was proven wrong. I tried and I failed, I tried and failed again and just when I was at the verge of not wanting to try again, I succeeded. 

All these made me braver. Unlike when I was 10, now I am pretty sure that I will still be figuring things out in the years to come.

I may know how to handle myself better when odds hit me, but there’s no guarantee that I will not make awful decisions. I may be more confident in mitigating risks that are attached to the options I have, but there is no way that I won’t think twice or regret about choosing wrongly. I may not act my age or may seem well-advanced, but one thing is for sure: I’ll try harder to be a better version of myself everyday. I will follow my passion even if it gets challenging. I will adhere to my values which matters most. I won’t fear failure. I won’t be intimidated by the giants in life. I will hold tight to my faith that bring forth hope. 

At 32, I’m choosing to embrace the ups and downs of figuring things out in every chapter of my life. I’m choosing to be purposely alive until I see the magnificent beauty of the author and perfecter of my life. At the end of the day, we all have one life on earth to live. How are you making every bit count?